HERE'S TO MORE ACCURATE DIRECTIONS
By Robert Vreeland
With thanks and apologies to Steve Voynick, author of "Close Encounters With Geologists" in the November 1993 issue of Rock & Gem magazine.
Listed below are typical directions followed by their true meaning.
"It's about a mile." - Start looking at 0.3 mile and continue to look for another 12 miles.
"The road gets a little rough in places." - The road to this arch has destroyed better vehicles than yours.
"We can drive right to it, almost." - We'll drive within six miles of the arch and then hike the deer track that ascends 3000 vertical feet.
"Had a little trouble getting out of there a few years ago." - After the flash flood, I had to walk out. The company's Blazer is still there.
"You might take a sandwich and something to drink." - The closest food and water will be 40 miles away. Take at least three days rations.
"Snakes don't bother you do they?" - I wear metal leg guards. On my last trip I counted 14 timber rattlers on the way.
"I think I can find it." - I went to this arch 12 years ago before the landslide wiped out the road. I don't remember exactly where it is, but I'll find it if it takes all day, and all the next day...
"Old George lives up there somewhere. Owns some claims. Kind of eccentric. Maybe he'll show you around." - Have you read about the miner-hermit who periodically makes the papers by terrorizing hikers?
"Skirt around the rock to the left." - Either walk to the left of the rock you can see from there, walk so as to keep this rock on your left, walk around the left rock of the two rocks you can see, or something else.
"You can't miss it." - After you have gone about two miles beyond where it should be, turn around and you might see it on the way back.
"Give me a call when you return." - I'd be surprised if you make it back alive.